A Word To My Reader
I am not a perfect voice calling out in the dark, but a broken voice calling out in the dark. I have not said anything perfectly, nor have I ever touched on perfection flawlessly. Every element I speak on found here will fall short on every degree because of the breadth and width of which the topic expands (both logically and emotionally). In fact the only thing I can come closest to in explaining perfectly would be my brokenness, because that, I know better than perfection. I can only try to speak about the glimpses of perfection I have seen in my life. Please bear that in mind as you read. I hope that these compositions can bring further light to the honest depths and heights that life teaches us about ourselves, the world around us, and the starter of this all, God.
As Phillip Lopate says, in reading this you will learn more about my “habits of thought” than the activities that actually make up my day to day. I do not assume that most will want to read any of this, but for the one who is feeling lost or confused, for the one who is trying to find reason to keep living, for the one who is fighting against himself, others, or his God, and desiring to better understand why, I hope these pieces of writing might be a friend to you. I hope they push you to press on, to appreciate living (and working), to appreciate the smallest of moments with a family member, close friend, or stranger. I hope they move you to explore and imagine, to find the “why” behind anything, and to trust that though we have a finite understanding, the One who is infinite has been made accessible to mankind. Mankind meaning you and me, and there is no small amount of peace to be found in that truth.
P.S. I attached a song to the bottom of each composition to accompany its reading. Enjoy!
Summer Days
(May 2020)
I crave the summer days when we were always together
If you were to ask me about it I would say I miss the weather
Let's go to the beach, let's go and surf out in the waves
Ventura's got my heart forever and I hope it's there to stay
Tight skin and bloodshot eyes, and a sun that sets at eight
Grab a sweatshirt and a jacket cause you know we're gonna be out late
The smell of sunscreen and my hair is turning blonde
I hope this summer feeling will last all year long
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the summer, love with summer
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the summer, love with summer
Grab some wood, let's start a fire, and we'll huddle up nice and close
A group of us will talk all night, and our clothes will smell like smoke
We'll lift our heads up towards the sky and count the stars
I'll take a picture with my mind and hold it in my heart
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the summer, love with summer
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the Summer, love with summer
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the summer, love with summer
Oooooooo oooooooo
I'm in love with the Summer, love with summer
Your Love Has Been Felt
(March 2020)
Know that you have always meant the world to me
And I've felt your presence as you've watched so tenderly
Though I'm not your own, you've always helped me untangle my knots
I won't forget the books you've given or the time you held me in the parking lot
Your love has been felt
Talking at the table or on the porch out back
We slowly sipped coffee and we shared many of laughs
Not many of things can compare to your sweet company
But when you spoke of our God was when you truly gleamed
Your love has been felt
Your love, your love has been felt
I'm not so good at saying it in person
But Your love has been felt
I walk into a room and see your faces light up
There ain't a thing I swear like a Judys' hug
The time you spent talking through theories or over chords
With a pen in hand next to that fateful drawing board
Your love has been felt
Your love, your love has been felt
I'm not so good at saying it in person
But your love has been felt
Wars In Our Heads
(November 2018)
Gave up the money
Spent all my youth
Fighting for something
Protecting our youth
They called us all noble
But we were soon forgotten
They think the war is over
But the real battle remains in our heads
At war at least I had my brothers
But now I've got to fight alone
They promised to heal us
But turned away when we walked through the door
We paid for their freedom
But got another war in return
Can somebody fix me
I want to live to see life for what it is
I'm tired of feeling broken
I've forgotten the feeling of innocence
Will you sit with me in the darkness
Will you take the images from my head
Can you hold me forever
Till I'm finally normal again
Can you hold me forever
Till I'm finally normal again
Will you stay with me forever
Even if I'm never normal again
Will you stay with me forever
I'm afraid I'll never feel normal again
Will you stay with me forever
I'm afraid I'll never feel normal again
The Sway
( September 2018)
There's a chill in the night and you're next to me
I think it's time to go but I can't seem to leave
And the world seems to fade and we're all alone
You bring your heart next to mine and we're swaying to this song
Ahhhh
Ahhhh
There's a whisper in the wind and a melody in the night
And we're dancing so swiftly with the stars in the sky
And all nature sways to the chorus it sings
The movement the swaying together you and me
Oh and is this all real or is this a dream
Cause I'm afraid that you might drift away in the breeze
Ahhhh
Ahhhh
Don't wanna go back
No I won't go back
I wanna stay here forever
Together under this moon
I don't wanna go back
No I won't go back
I wanna stay here forever
Together under this moon
I don't wanna go back
No I'm not going back
I wanna stay here forever
Together under this moon
Ahhhh
Ahhhh
Ahhhh
Ahhhh
New Start
(March 2018)
We're growing up, and we're growing old
And my friends are moving on
Going places with people I've never met
And I'm packing up, and I'm moving out
And I'm walking across a stage
Into a world that I've never seen
And they ask me where I'm going
And they ask me what I see ahead
But if I'm being completely honest
I can't see a thing
Now I am walking across a plank
With a blindfold over my eyes
And I can't see the steps right in front of me
I could back out, and I could flee
Or stay strong and stay free
And dive in, 'cause fear, it won't hold me down
And I can't see Him, but I'll read His voice
And He's guiding me through all the noise
When I can't trace His hand, I'll trust His heart
Even in this new start
And I used to think that when I was grown up
I'd have my life figured out
I'd know exactly who I was
I'd be set in my ways, not needing to change
But now that I'm here, I feel more like a child
Still learning my lessons and needing direction
Still needing direction
And I used to think that when I was grown up
I'd have my life figured out
I'd know exactly who I was
I'd be set in my ways, not needing to change
But now that I'm here, I feel more like a child
Still learning my lessons and needing direction
Still needing direction, needing direction
So when I can't trace His hand, I'll trust His heart
To lead me in, to lead me in this new start
So when I can't trace His hand, I'll trust His heart
To lead me in, to lead me in this new start
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
La la a
My Shepherd
(December 2017)
And I dare not say
What I really mean
'Cause it don't make sense
And it's breaking me
So I'll close my mouth
And I'll listen up
'Cause there's good in listening
To the things I don't want
And I can't hear You
If I only hear me
And I know You have things
That I need to see
So listen up my soul
To the words He speaks
And You tell me I'm new
And You say I'm clean
But I don't understand
Everything I read
And my feelings tell me
Lies about You
I will fight the devil
With what I know to be true
'Cause Your word is a lamp
For my feet
And You say You only want
What's best for me
So You'll break my legs
And You will break me
And You'll be my shepherd
And I'll be Your sheep
And You'll pick me up
And You'll carry me
'Cause You are my shepherd
I am, I am Your sheep
Rain Cloud
(September 2017)
Storm's a-brewin' and it's cold outside
Window's open, letting in the winter light
Sipping my cocoa while I'm stuck inside
Sun is hidden, darkness fills the sky
A cloud full of liquid seems to catch my eye
My poor, poor cloud, why don't you just let it go and cry
And cry
You keep holding together, and it's killing me
There's a battle inside your soul
A constant fight to be
An angry burst of light and a crack breaks forth
Just let one drop fall, the rest will follow short
A tear spills out, and the ground drinks in relief
A drizzle starts, and you begin to weep
And you see you're free
You're free
The hope of sunlight shimmers through again
War had been settled and a smile was sent
Silhouette Tree
(June 2017)
Mr. Tree how do you keep from falling down
Branches raised like you had just been found
I guess your roots, they grow so deep
They are your knees, they are your feet
Weather's been a devil, but you've stood tall
Making sure roots hold so you don't fall
And I swear if you had a face, it would be one of first place
And if I could call you by a name, it would be one of such grace
Black silhouette against the sky
First to see sunset, first to see sunrise
Hands held up, head held high
Knowing your freedom, knowing your pride
Your body blows in the wind
How I long to feel that on my skin
Even when night comes, there you are
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Your body blows in the wind
How I long to feel that on my skin
Even when night comes, there you are
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Aahhhhhhh
Watching over, making sure
All is calm and the world's tucked in
Eyes wide open, body turned
Ready to meet the sunrise again
Your body blows in the wind
How I long to feel that on my skin
Even when night comes, there you are
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Your body blows in the wind
How I long to feel that on my skin
Even when night comes, there you are
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Aahhhhhhh
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Bold silhouette standing still in the dark
Honesty
(2015)
Life is hard I can't deny
Don't pull away and don't be shy
Don't wipe those tears from your eyes
It's perfectly normal to cry
When it's raining in your life
Money won't show to provide
Someone close is about to die
It's never sunny, it's always night
I can't do this anymore
The walls are closing in
And I can't find the door
I can't do this anymore
The walls are closing in
And I can't find the door
Can't find the door
When you can't speak a word
Without a fight
And you wanna give up,
Don't wanna try
'Cause they're leaving again
And you gotta say bye, bye, bye
But you can't get a breath in
'Cause you're so tired
You're so tired
I found a hope more faithful than the morning
He's full of kindness and completely full of glory
When life's filled with evil and doesn't go as it should, should, should
He's the light in the darkness and He's always good, He's always good
I found a hope more faithful than the morning
He's full of kindness and completely full of glory
When life's filled with evil and doesn't go as it should, should, should
He's the light in the darkness and He's always good, He's always good
He's always good, good, good
Good, good, good
Good, good, good
He's always good, good, good, good
Little Sister
(2014/2015)
You are the flower that grows in the night
You grew ten feet when I closed my eyes
And now it seems I'm looking up to you
It's a surprise to me, though I think you knew
And you grew older
Just in the blink of an eye
Just as time flew by
And now I'm saying goodbye
And you grew stronger
Just over the night
Within a brand-new sky
A beautiful sunrise
I still remember the day you were born
You needed grace 'cause your heart was torn
But when I saw your love and truth
God showed my eyes that he changed you
And you grew older
Just in the blink of an eye
Just as time flew by
And now I'm saying goodbye
And you grew stronger
Just over the night
Within a brand-new sky
A beautiful sunrise
I miss the old days when you were young and reckless
And you threw flowers in your hair
I miss the old days when we were full of dreamin'
And we made up stories just for fun
I miss the old days, but I wouldn't exchange the present for the past
Because of the bond, the bond we now have
Because of the bond, the bond we now have